— 3 Comments

How to be powerful while being quiet

The universe is all about balance, right?

I know that last week I encouraged you to speak up, and I still do. Sometimes, being quiet, not saying anything, can be very powerful too.

I was setting up for dinner with a friend the other night after a long day of fun work. I had performed at the farmers market that morning on a chilly/sunny morning, followed by a Milonga in the Park that afternoon, one of my favorite tango social to host.

eatingBy dinner time, I was tired and Hangry (hunger turning into crankiness) I was aware of it so I made the conscious decision to speak as little as possible. I believe we are accountable for what we say, do, and give to the world. My goal is to be a source of joy, not pain and discomfort, therefore, when I’m hangry, I often get really quiet, to the benefit of the people around me. My friend knows that but he still checked in with me which is what friends do when there is a change in behavior. I reassured him and sure thing, after a few bites of my dinner and some wine, I was feeling like myself again and enjoying a wonderful conversation.

Another example when being quiet is more productive than speaking is in the venting-complaining-ranting department. I’m a true believer of venting, I think it’s good for you and your soul to let things out a bit, to release some emotional pressure and give back to the world what it gave to you. It’s best to vent to the right person, someone that can understand what you’re going through, that can hold space and maybe provide some validation, reassurance or understanding. Venting to just anyone may not be that productive.

angryComplaining is venting, twice. If you said it once chances are it was heard. If there is a need to say it again it may be that you didn’t receive the reaction you wanted. Saying it again may not help, saying it to someone else might which would be venting. Are you with me 😉 Complaining is typically disconnecting or it’s fueling a negative dynamic with another complainer. We get what we put in so I invite you to contemplate if you complain and if so, who do you complain to? You might find yourself in a negative environment which will keep you from being successful.

Ranting is like complaining on steroids. It’s completely counterproductive, disconnecting and a waste of time. It takes time to rant, that’s time that could be used to serve life and your dreams, I’ll let that sink in. I know, I’m a recovering ranter.

I invite you to vent, strategically. I invite you to be quiet for anything beyond that.

Another opportunity to be quiet is when we are in scarcity or speculation mode. Scarcity is all about fear and we say things that are not relevant, accurate or even kind. If we can’t say something nice, let’s say nothing. If we’re scared, which is valid, let’s recognize it and say so. We can’t conquer our fears if we don’t know what they are. Speculating is also about fear and projecting what might happen. There is true power in recognizing what we can control and what we can’t. There is so much power in appreciating the moment and how we can influence the present rather than worrying about the future. We have the opportunity to be quiet and not spread that fear to others with mindless comments.

Again, it is valid to be scared, it’s not productive to assume and make a statement of it.

rain umbrellaFor example, if the weather is conditional upon a certain event to be successful, like our Milonga in the Park, and the projection is for 50% chance rain, when do we start talking about it and make projections? When it starts raining! When I see the rain then I’ll do something about it, there is nothing I can do about it before that. I may plan just in case it rains but that’s it. I invite you to embrace what you know for sure. It’s particularly difficult in a culture that is based on fear, projections and the illusion of control but I have faith in you. I know you can do it 🙂

Portrait

 

         Reach for the greatest version of yourself!

Paola

Grow
— Leave a Comment

What’s your ROE?

One of the most useful practice I incorporated in my very productive lifestyle was to manage my ROE, aka Return On Energy.

We’re all different and some things can be a source of joy, others can be absolutely draining! That’s the journey of learning about who we are and what makes us tick, in a good way, or not. It’s also the process of being unapologetic about who we are, where we’re at, and what works for us.

I’m a recovering people pleaser so I can totally relate to the pressure of wanting to be perfect and liked for what we do, because we’re afraid of not being loved for who we are. I invite you to be strong and choose wisely, it’s totally worth it!

Two methods I use to honor the ultimate ROE is saying YES or saying No. It’s simple, again, it works best when we’re connected to our true self.

I love to say YES to opportunities and figure it out later. I especially say YES if it comes across as a little scary. There is nothing wrong about going back to previous commitments as long as it’s done in a way that is transparent and secure rather than volatile or self serving. We can also give a head’s up and communicate clearly where we’re at.

For example: ” that sounds like a great opportunity, I’m not sure that I can rise to the challenge fully but I’d like to give it a try, would that be alright?” That way we set the tone for the experience and the expectation.

I also love to say No, which happens more and more often lately. I say No to others and myself.

I say No to a lot of invitations, demands and expectations, social pressures and cultural framing. I was at a gathering last weekend and one of the guest completely put me down for not attending certain meetings, to which I never committed in the first place. She questioned me about my availability until I flat out responded: “it’s my self-care day” She didn’t get it, and that’s alright.

I say NO to myself if I crave junk food or if I want to keep working instead of focusing on self-care. I say No to myself about feeling responsible or guilty for others feelings and decisions. It’s their story to write, not mine. I say No to myself when i’m looking for the easy way out of my thought process instead of being vulnerable and owning it.

It’s a matter of focus and being clear on what we really want. Those decisions will define the emotional outcome. How much we can accomplish in one day will depend on how much we enjoy it. Let’s choose wisely 🙂

Portrait

 

           Reach for the greatest version of yourself!

Paola

 

Become happier in 21 days.

Click here to sign up for the Act of Kindness Challenge,

Grow
— Leave a Comment

How to start the day

Is it really that big of a deal to start the day a certain way? Yes, it is. That’s why so many coaches and gurus share their tips and routine, specifically about that part of the day. How you start will define the rest of the day and how we manage situations. It’s like being on a certain setting. Can we reset through the day? Sure! I’m going for the most productive option here. I prefer to shoot for excellence rather than mediocrity.

 

So what do I do in the morning?

Step 1

I only get out of bed once my intention for the day is set. I already reviewed my schedule the night before, I know what’s coming, so I want to have a firm positive intention for those items too. I want to start the day with love and motivation in my heart, not fear and frustration. It’s easier some mornings than other, I’m not going to lie. However, it’s a golden rule of mine. By the time my feet hit the floor, I’m in the best possible and ready to make the day as amazing as possible!

 

Step 2

I bathe. I like to wake my body up slowly. I also find that I think straighter and better when I feel clean. My bathing ritual also gives me time to firm up the derails about my day and to focus on self care. What does my body need today? How can I best take care of it? Where can I improve in my self care routines. Our bodies are our most precious commodity, not our houses or our cars. How we take care of our body is a factor in defining our success. How productive can you be if you’re body is aching and distracting you from your tasks? On the priority list, self care always comes first!

 

Step 3

I move my body. I’ve been asleep for over 7 hours and I feel it’s important to get back in the movement slowly but surely. Everybody has their preferences, for me it’s ballet. I love doing my ballet exercises that involve balance and light stretching. It’s nothing strenuous but just enough to awaken the awareness of the body. These exercises also support the muscles I need as a tango dancer so it’s a win-win.

 

Step 4

I have breakfast, sitting down and enjoying every minute of that moment. I’m a warm drink kind of girl in the morning. I may choose tea or coffee depending on my mood. If I wake up early, I stick to grains, nuts and fruits. If I wake up later in the morning after sleeping in, I may have some eggs. meat and veggies. I then go through my emails and social medias updates, read articles and add to my to do list if I’m inspired by something I want to try. I stay away from negativity and anything triggering. I think everyone is entitled to their opinion, I just don’t need all of them in my life, and surely not over breakfast. We get the space we create and I want mine to be inspiring and powerful, not negative and pessimistic. Our brain is already wired to detect the negative over the positive in life, let’s help out by being selective of what we feed and expose our brain to, shall we?

 

This is my personal routine and it has served me greatly! I attribute a lot of my personal happiness and success to my morning routine. The routine can vary from person to person of course, however, those 4 steps are a common to all the systems I’ve seen out there. I encourage you to make it your own, you only need 4 elements: intention, self care, feed the body, feed the mind. I invite to see what works for you, what’s joyful and natural to your body. How do you know if it’s working? Check in with yourself. The heart never lies. If you feel fear, shame, frustration after your morning routine, you may need to keep working on it. I know you can do it!

 

Reach for the greatest version of yourself!

 

Paola
2016-03-07 09.55.27-1

 

Grow