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What do you see?

I made a terrible mistake!

I saw a bug crawling out of the A/C closet yesterday morning. The corridor was dark, the bug was about one inch wide, dark and moving fast, I figured “cockroach!”

I was wearing my sleepers and without a second of hesitation, I crunched it. I walked away to put my glasses on and grab a paper towel to clean up the mini soggy mess I had made. I turned on the light still full of my sentiment of satisfaction for ridding my sacred space of that disgusting thing.

Now, with the light on, glasses on and looking at the object of my reaction up close, I realized, to my horror, that I had killed a spider, not a cockroach.

I like spiders, practically and spiritually, they are my friends. They eat bugs in the house, they hold the feminine power, they are weavers and creators. I wouldn’t kill a spider, that goes against my values. But I did, kill, a spider.

The question is, how often do we react to things because we think we know what’s happening? We assume, we misevaluate, and we can’t see objectively what’s right in front of us.

My fear of cockroaches in the house led me to kill a spider. My intention and the outcome didn’t match because of my reaction and chances are, it will happen again. Because humanity.

We’re not perfect, we make mistakes in spite of our best intentions. We have the opportunity to look at our intentions and celebrate them. We can look at our imperfections and forgive ourselves. We can also celebrate others intentions and forgive their imperfections. We all want to be loved, we all want to feel connected, we’re all doing the best we can.

How about forgiving someone, or yourself, today?
Free yourself and embrace humanity.

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Reach for the Greatest Version of Yourself

         Paola

 

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How to Maximize your Happiness with Intention?

AustinTango180Last weekend was quite the Tango experience. We hosted amazing teachers from Buenos Aires to teach a workshop. We taught our classes Friday night, then Milonga, then workshop Saturday afternoon, then Milonga, then workshop Sunday afternoon, then farewell diner.

My business partner and I were fried by Monday morning!

That being said, we had set a very clear intention for that demanding event: we wanted to bring the teaching of those two experts to our students and friends. So each time we ran out of steam a bit, we had in mind why we were doing what we were doing. We had set a solid intention.

What I invite you to do, with pretty much everything you’re doing, is to set an intention. From time spent with friends to career and hobbies. What are you trying to accomplish?

This is really important because we want to be happy. Happiness can be easily destroyed by resentment or lack of accountability.

intentBy setting our intention before hand, we are better able to manage our emotions, our time and our area of tolerance. We are better equipped to enjoy ourselves and easily set boundaries. We can protect ourselves from toxic elements or over stretching ourselves.

The idea of pre-set intention may seem overwhelming itself, however, like anything else, whatever we do gets easier the more we do it. It’s not like we’re planning every second of our life, we just get better at making faster decisions about what is truly in alignment with our authentic self. This is where joy and happiness reside and this is what I want for you 🙂

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Paola

 

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Give what you want to get

One misconception is that we will give something after, and only after, someone gives it to us first. That could put us in some situations where we could wait for ever.

I believe in being the influence we want to experience, I believe in modeling the behavior we wish to witness in others. Which means, we must start, we must do it first, we must give to begin with.

What I’m referring to is especially in the everyday attitude and interactions. If we want appreciation from others, we have the choice to show appreciation first. If we want kindness, we can give kindness first, etc… We can create a safe space for others to find what everybody is looking for anyway: connection.

I’m not saying it’s easy. Some days will be harder than others. I do feel we have the responsibility to be the creators of what we want to see in the world. A bad day may require more energy on our part to accomplish what we want, those victorious days are what sets apart the individuals that get what they want, and the ones who don’t.

I invite you to be confident in your determination. Hold on firmly to your good mood and good intention. Stay away from negative individuals or give them compassion if you can. We all have bad days. Somebody’s bad day is not your fault, it’s their story, let them write it.

I invite you to set the intention and tone for your day and your interactions Take a deep breath and affirm your mood and goal. Be a giver, be attentionate, show up for others. There is a compound effect of kindness and generosity that always comes back 10 folds.

The more we practice, the easier it gets, until it becomes second nature.

Reach for the greatest version of yourself!

Paola

 

 

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Invest in Yourself

I believe that the results we get in life depend on who we are. Not where we were born, not how much money we have, not our IQ. The results will vary depending on our skills and our attitude. Some things can’t be changed. We’re given a certain hand of cards at the beginning of our lives, how we play that hand will determine the outcome.

How we get the best outcome possible is about developing the skills we need to get there.

For example, one day, we learnt to read. If we were to keep reading at the same level than our first year in school, we would only have access to that grade’s library. We wouldn’t be able to process other materials because we didn’t learn the skills. That’s very limiting!

If we want to have access to more, we must become more, we must learn more. There is no right or wrong way to do this. I just wish for everyone to be aware that we set the barre, and the limit, on our success. Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results is not productive. So how can we do things differently, what do we need to learn, to get the results we’re looking for?

It’s an investment. It takes a long time, it’s hard, tedious and we want to give up, often. However, if we know that this is the way to get everything our heart wishes, if we stay focused on our intentions, we will succeed!

We sometimes think that success is conditional upon intelligence, money and birth privileges. Those things can help, for sure, they are not the decisive factors though, our skills are. Our attitude and our focus  determine the outcome. I’m specifically referring to soft skills: communication, empathy, emotional intelligence.

We could come up with the best product to sell, if we’re not able to connect with our clients, they will not trust us, and they will buy something else, from someone else. People don’t buy products, they buy an experience, and the experience is conditional upon the players.

It’s an investment because the process is slow, it’s a gamble at times, but it usually pays off. I’m personally more likely to invest in myself with confidence than the stock market. I know my ROI. I am so solid in my investment that I can now share valuable information and give support to others. The best thing I ever invested in is myself. I invite you to look into investing in yourself 🙂

Reach for the greatest version of yourself.

Paola
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Network Up

The company we keep is pivotal to the outcome of our professional success and personal happiness. We are the average of the top 5 influences in our lives , let it be a person or an entity/community. Who we spend time with, who and what we listen to, will influence us and we’ll eventually talk and behave much the same way. I invite you to surround yourself with influences that are the closest to who you want to become.

There is a level up in that game, and it’s ongoing. We have the opportunity to network up. That means realizing when our growth has exceeded the influence we experience from others. There comes times when some of our influences have taught us all we need to know and it’s time for us to move on and look for the next challenge, the next lesson.

This may not be easy. It’s natural to become attached, our old brain doesn’t like change and the security of what we know is very comfortable. Growth doesn’t take place in comfort. We can have the one or the other, but not at the same time. We must choose.

I completely support periods of plateau and relaxation. It’s valid to want to enjoy the product of our work and go on growth vacation for a little bit, like a couple of weeks for example. Anything longer than 3 months equates to a new lifestyle and it would be all the more difficult to get back to productive habits.

It’s an ongoing evaluation of what’s productive, what serves our growth, how do we serve others, and it seldom ever stops. It’s a big fun game, would you like to become a pro at it?

I invite you to regularly evaluate your relationships and organizations you immerse yourself in. Which ones are the top 5? Have they given you all that they have to offer? If so, start looking for new ones. It may be scary at first, however, the result we’re looking for is begging for it.

Change is part of the natural cycle of life, nothing remains. We have the choice to resist nature or we can go with the flow and be part of something greater. What do you think?

Reach for the greatest version of yourself!

Paola
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No Regrets

I’m often asked: “What is your ideal client?”.

My internal answer is: ME!

The answer I give is: Someone who seemingly has everything working in their life but they know there is something missing, and they quite can’t figure out what that is.

There is nothing wrong about having, seemingly, everything working in life. There is gratitude in all things, including that. There is an area of concern when we know that there is something more to have and be. There is an opportunity when we find out we want more. That we act upon that opportunity or not will have two outcomes only: regret, or satisfaction.

I figured out one day that there was something off about my life and I started working towards figuring it out. I also work at not regretting figuring it out at 39 instead of 29. That process and time was necessary not only to go through the experiences needed to build my wisdom library, also the fuel to get to work twice as fast, and eventually becoming a consultant. As much as possible, I wish for everybody to figure it out earlier rather than later, that’s why I do what I do, because I know there is a way, and most people are not aware of it.

We can be so effective at settling, at thinking small, at following cultural formats, at believing people that don’t want to witness the success they’re incapable or afraid of. There are so many things that can keep us from unfolding our true potential! I found that there is one thing, very effective at that, at motivating us to get against that trend: regret. When you have but a minute to live, will you die satisfied? Content? Curious? Or full of regrets?

I don’t think there is a perfect time for success, we can start anytime and still win. Unless we’re on our death bed. Then we loose!

I invite you to focus, not on all those built up expectations that so many institutions and influences have thrown on us, but rather to connect with what we truly desire, what sets our soul on fire, what is a source of purpose to us. It can be anything! Some activities look better on paper than others, again, it’s a cultural influence, let’s not fall prey of that.

So…. what does your heart tells you? Share below, I love to hear from you 🙂

Reach for the greatest version of yourself!

Paola

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About Relationships

I started my practice with a strong idea that I wanted to help individuals in the wellness field, empowering them to find harmony balancing all the facets in their life. At first, I refused to consult around romantic relationships. I usually referred one of the great coaches I knew were thriving in that field.

Things changed. I realized that I was passionate about the relationship with Self, which is, really, the foundation for relationships of all kind, including romantic. I dove into that department with abandon and excitement. I discovered some fascinating concepts and reaffirmed some items I already felt strongly about. We’re talking about all types of relationships here.

Let’s start with the hard, and obvious, one: If it doesn’t nurture you, and/or it hurts you, walk away!

We tend to project an idea, a dream, a perspective, on a relationship. For me, it was the married life with the  white picket fenced house including cats and a rose garden. It did work for a while. But things changed, as they always do, and soon it was no longer nurturing me. I wanted something different. The hard part wasn’t the change, relocation and reorganization of my life. The hard part was letting go of my original projection, of what happiness is supposed to look like.

Another wonderful concept is the idea of the relationship itself as an entity rather than the sum of two, or three or more. By focusing on either party at any given time, we tend to loose focus of the big picture. The same way we grow a flower considering seasons and various exposures, feedings, trimmings, we can look at the relationship in periods, what feeds it, what may hurt it. We don’t pay attention just to the water or the sun that feeds the plant, so we don’t just pay attention to one member of the relationship or another, we pay attention to the relationship itself.

A very rewarding and exciting concept is the co-creation. It can be many hings: children, art, country house, business, just something that each party can participate with their gift and witness a result that would have been impossible otherwise by oneself. Aside from the excitement of the experience, it’s about creating bonds, stories, connections that go beyond what takes place with the usual grabbing coffee, taking a vacation, watching a movie sort of activity. They are all valid, however, they won’t generate the same kind of bonding.

My favorite concept of all is the growth. We may have focused on a different meaning when we said “we want to grow old together”. Again we’re projecting the idea of time spent as a success. It’s very well anchored in our culture, many cultures actually. It would be a whole different blog on that alone. I’d like to focus here on the word “grow”. The relationship will thrive by all participants growing in the same direction at a relatively equal pace. There can be plateaus and catch up periods, naturally. In my opinion, if individuals in a group or couple, loose track of each others growth, or a gap is created, the relationship will weaken and possibly dissipate.

Relationships are hard, they are precious and worth the work though. What’s your favorite part about connecting with yourself and others? Comment below 🙂

Reach for the greatest part of yourself!

Paola

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It’s a marathon, not a sprint :)

One of the misconception I come across about growth, wellness and goals is the idea that one day, we’ll have “arrived”. There is no such thing in my opinion. I believe we are in a constant state of change, evolution, or degradation, depending on what one is doing. There is a constant movement to life, which is another reason for me to love dance so much, dance is life.
That movement can go in various direction, hard, soft, long, short, positive, negative. It never stops though. How we move defines the outcome: did we get the result we wanted, or not.
It appears that as we incorporate new habits we get to a certain level that feels more comfortable and closer to the top goal. I’ll agree with that. I believe in celebrating milestones for what didn’t exist in our life before and is now here thanks to work and dedication. That can go away very quickly if it’s not maintained though. So as we grow and incorporate new things in our lives, we still want to maintain what we want to keep.
In business it looks like this: retaining existing customers as well as developing new markets. A business will not thrive on just one of those, we need both dynamics to grow.
I’ll admit that some things get easier with time and productive habits incorporated in the past can become the new norm. It’s always in good form to check in friends and coaches about where we’re at. Feedback is the breakfast of champions!
I’ll embrace the idea of plateauing for short periods of time, taking a vacation and enjoying the view for a little bit. Then it’s back to work.
We have a whole childhood, and/or past lives depending on your spiritual system, to clean up and own. There is enough there to keep some of us busy for a while.
Then we have our own dreams and desires: what do we want most, why do we want it, how will we get there? That’s an endless source of opportunities to learn new things, to grow in other areas.
Are you planning on not dreaming anymore at some point? Will you check out from the dream train and settle for whatever has been accomplished so far? If the answer is no, then you know there will always be work, always a new habit to incorporate, always a new star to shoot for. That’s the yummy stuff in my opinion: the endless possibility of a dream life, for as long as I live 🙂
How about you? What’s your dream? How are you going to get there? Share below!

Reach for the greatest version of yourself!
Paola
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“It’s my time now!”

For all the Al Pacino fans out there, do you remember that scene in the Devil’s Advocate with Keenu Reeves when Al’s character, the Devil, claims: “This is my time Now!” ? I’ve always loved that part. I believe there is a pivotal time for each of us in our lives, sometimes several times in a lifetime, that tips the scale and leads us to glory. I told a dear friends months ago: “this is our time now” referring to the women movement. The recent events have shown that this is going forward at an exponential rate. I’m beyond excited at the prospect of the feminine being more present in our world, there are strengths and skills to be shared that will make a difference. I also want to share some words of wisdom and caution for the feminine and the masculine.
The feminine may enter this new phase with assertiveness and gusto, and not always enough experience to express in a kind way what we have been repressing for so long. I think of myself as a rather vocal person, and I know I have learnt to be quiet because it was expected or because it required less energy than to convey my true feelings of frustration. As we communicate more freely, we may enter a phase called by Marshall Rosenberg, the “obnoxious phase”. Verbalization is taking place, not always as compassionately and productively as it could be. It’s part of the process though. It won’t be perfect, but at least, it will be happening. Keep going, tweak as you go.
The masculine will have a hard time too. Not for the obvious reason that the men used to getting their way no longer will, but for the kind men that unknowingly have raised themselves offering micro aggression and never knew they were a source of pain. That’s because they were never told. I request patience for the masculine that does wish to be part of the new movement but was never held to develop the vulnerability the feminine craves.I especially feel for them as they have actively supported the feminine, we just didn’t give them all the tools to do the ultimate job. We believe we must be kind and understanding. This is going to be a big change.
I applaud any individual that has the courage to look at life in a different angle and change their way to best honor their authenticity.
Regardless at which stage of your life you do it, know that you are victorious. Some people will die and never experience that glory. High Five to you!

Reach for the greatest version of yourself!

Paola
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Curiosity

As  much as I want to keep politics out of my blogs, it has become obvious that the current climate is negatively affecting friends and family, regardless that their candidate won or not. A reported 78% of individuals feel more stressed now than a few months ago, that’s a big number.

One thing that has helped me a lot, and I hope it helps you too, is to be curious. It works at several levels too.

 

Being curious about other individuals, especially the ones we disagree with, let’s us put the focus on the human being rather than the label we associate a person with. By focusing on the humanity, we can find understanding and connection on neutral ground. We see some of ourselves too and that brings us closer. We can do this with just about anyone. We all want the same thing after all, how we get there is what sets us apart. Focusing on the goal rather than how we get there nurtures our similarities, not our differences.

 

Being curious about others puts us in a giving position: we give our time and our attention. Givers are winners that create more connections than the takers. Period. Being curious has been reported to be one of the most efficient way to build a successful business. By being curious about our clients, customers, friends, we can find out what they truly want and meet that need if we can, or introduce them to someone who will.

Curiosity is also a fun game. There is always something to discover. Are you bored about a situation? Ask questions, look for what you don’t already know. You may be delightfully surprised by what you unveil. The world is after all an amazing treasure, why limit ourselves to what we already see when there is so much out there waiting to be revealed to us. That’s an abundance mindset that has never failed me, I invite you to give it a shot 🙂

 

Reach for the greatest version of yourself!

 

Paola
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