— Leave a Comment

Do your expectations spoil your experiences?

One of my main focus is to help individuals increase their level of happiness in life, while avoiding sources of disappointment, frustration or sadness.

I found that it is very important to have high standards. I encourage to set the bar as high as desired. I want people to reach for their dreams, not settle for less.

Having high standards and expecting everybody to reach them is not realistic though, that’s setting ourselves up for disappointment. I believe it is very productive to keep our standards high all the while having low expectations. By expecting less of life and others, we are more likely to be delightfully surprised by an outcome, satisfied, grateful and appreciative.

I also urge individuals not to lower our expectations so low that we put ourselves in an uncomfortable or unsafe position.

Untitled design (14)

A few months ago, I was relating to a friend of mine my frustration while booking a hotel stay out of town. I also shared that that particular chain was lower in the industry ladder and that there were only so much I could expect from that company. After all, it would be like expecting organic vegetables at a fast food chain restaurant. My friend agreed with me, to a certain extent. He said, and I’ll always remember this, he said: “Even at a fast food restaurant, they give you a cup when your order a drink.”

Touche!

That was the perfect example of me setting my expectations so low, because I wanted to experience joy and gratitude, that my basic needs for respect and comfort were not met.

This is a gray area that will be different for everybody. As I mentioned, I want people to feel fulfilled and happy. I also want them to stand in their power and speak their truth.

I invite you to proactively evaluate what your area of tolerance is for certain situations. It may be an interaction or a product you’ve been using for years. Does it still meet your needs? Does it still meet low, acceptable expectations, or does it need to be reevaluated.

Portrait

 

            Reach for the Greatest Version of yourself!

Paola

 

Do you want healthier relationships? Solutions are in my new book 🙂

Grow
— Leave a Comment

It’s not about the butter knife, Netflix or the toilet seat

What do the butter knife, Netflix and the toilet seat have in common? They’re the disguise of something much more profound that can destroy relationships.

The toilet seat, up or down, used to be the number one reason stated for a divorce. Some people would justify either which way a toilet seat is supposed to be, at the end though, it was a disconnect ending with a divorce.

The top reason for a divorce was soon replaced by Netflix when some couples shared a queue for DVD delivery and the queue would be rearranged without communicating with the other party. The choices for the upcoming movie could have been negotiated, again, a disconnect was created.

I’m in the business of human dynamics and connection so I pay close attention to things that may go unnoticed by others.

So what about the butter knife?

I was visiting a friend one evening and we had decided to stay in, cook dinner and catch up. My friend offered to play some music and asked me for my preference, I said blues, I love blues music!

As I began cooking, I soon heard yelling and a raging crowd coming from the speaker, not blues music. My friend was watching a political rally and the crowd was mad. The noise bothered me but I said nothing wanting to brush it off, and telling myself the music would be on shortly. But the music didn’t come, the yelling got louder and I lost patience. The noise was feeling like an aggression to me and I snapped at my friend harshly asking for it to stop. My words were along the lines of: “not now, I’m sorry!!” And I’m pretty sure it was accompanied with hand movement and cooking utensils.

My friend obliged and soon after turned on the blues music which lowered my blood pressure.

Untitled design (1)

We sat at the table and as a good French girl, I put the butter on a small plate, with a butter knife. We started eating, my friend used his knife already covered with food and dug into the butter. I made a sarcastic joke: “Would you like another butter knife?” which didn’t go over well. My friend got mad at me, I was blindsided and the atmosphere in the room got really heavy.

We could argue the relevance of the use of the butter knife, how dirty my friend’s knife was/wasn’t or how relevant it is to be French while leaving in the U.S. We could do that, and then what? It wasn’t about the butter knife.

By the time we sat for dinner, my friend was still triggered by my reaction about the political rally. He needed to feel seen and heard about the political climate at the time. Instead of checking in with him I reacted in an emotional manner and created a disconnect. My friend didn’t sense he had a safe space to express himself so he bottled his emotion up, the same way I had done earlier. That’s a very counterproductive thing to do.

My friend and I talked it out, figured it out and developed a system to be aware of ourselves and each other’s trigger. It’s all about awareness and being there for others. It’s not about the toilet seat, or Netflix, or the butter knife after all.

I invite you to develop that awareness of emotions, triggers and our reactions. They can show up in counterproductive ways and create disconnects. Connecting is a lot more fun!

Portrait

                               

                  Reach for the Greatest Version of Yourself

Paola

 

Click Here to take the 21 day Awareness Challenge, it’s free 🙂

Grow
— Leave a Comment

To Should or not to Should, there is no question

When was the last time you enjoyed someone telling you: You should do this?

Chances are, it’s been a while, if it ever took place to begin with. We don’t typically enjoy being told what to do or being advised, in a superior way. The Should-er comes across as the person that knows more, knows better, telling a person who doesn’t know and ought to know better. The reason why I point this out is because I’m in the business of human connection and Should-ing someone is disconnecting.

I’m not saying the intention is always to feel superior or that the individual is not looking after you. Sometimes a Should is a warning or a word of caution.

For example: “You shouldn’t put your fingers in the electric socket”. I’ll validate that. Although I prefer the form ” I would keep my fingers out of the electric socket if at all possible.”

What I’m mostly referring to is the self-righteous position that takes place more times than needed. It’s the quick way to making someone do something with the supposition of a threat, punishment or negative consequence.

For example: “you should stop tapping your pen against the desk if you know what’s good for you.”

It’s the speculation that the other person knows less or doesn’t know enough to do the “right” thing.

For example: “you should donate to that charity if you want to call your self a community member.”

pzzle long

Each example creates an environment of instability. Connection happens in safe spaces. Belittling, shaming or threatening don’t create safe spaces, they create stress, fear and resentment.

Would you like people to do something? Invite them and share with them the possible outcome.

For example: “I’d love it if you would keep your fingers out of the electric socket because I want you to be safe”. Now how easy was that?!! I personally feel the love in that sentence 🙂

How about working on not using the word Should at all, ever again? Let’s make it a dirty word, one that shall not be spoken, one that will be replaced with invitations and intentions of well being and support. What say you?

Portrait                               

                  Reach for the Greatest Version of Yourself

Paola

 

Click here to become happier in 21 days, take the kindness challenge

 

Grow
— Leave a Comment

Are you aware?

I have 3 pillars to my method, the foundation of my practice: awareness, vulnerability and accountability, in that order.

Today I’d like to touch base on awareness. Without awareness, we don’t know where we’re at and we won’t be able to figure out the accurate way to get where we want to go. That’s why awareness is so important, it’s the beginning of it all!

We must ask ourselves certain questions to develop our awareness. It can be very difficult, we may not be ready to face the truth, we may not be ready. And that’s ok.

sport-treadmill-tor-route-163444

I put together a 21 day Awareness challenge to help with the ones that are ready to go to the next level in their personal development. It’s free and you’ll get each exercise in your mailbox. Each day, you will be invited to observe and take notes of what comes up for you. At no time during this challenge will you be invited to take action, not yet. It is important to have an overview of the situation and then decide, at the end of the challenge, what you wish to work on.

 

Are you ready?

Start today!

Click here to receive the Free 21 day challenge

Portrait

         

        Reach for the Greatest version of Yourself!

Paola

 

 

Click here to receive free coaching tips directly in your mail box

Grow
— Leave a Comment

Perfect Timing

Perfect timing is something I came up with, and regularly affirm, with a certain dose of confidence and humor. I believe perfection is an illusion, I also believe we can get as close to it as possible.

Perfect timing is a system I put together to get as much done as possible while being as happy and content as possible. It’s part time management and part emotional productivity.

I notice that we often set ourselves up for failure building our to do list or planning our day. We may feel the pressure to accomplish certain things, or a certain amount of it, regardless of dynamics, priorities or energy available.

 

Perfect timing requires prioritizing, a lot! What are the top items of the day that will get you closer to your goal? Just pick a few, not 20. The dishes can wait until tomorrow, following up with a prospect doesn’t.

 

I encourage you to get rid of distractions. Do we really need to watch a Netflix for 4 hours each day? Do we HAVE to be on Facebook hours on end, or every 15 minutes? Focus is a big part of success and reaching our goals. Entertaining ourselves is valid, letting that stir us from our goal is not.

woman with phone

I also encourage you to prioritize your human interactions. Who are your top personal and professional positive influences? Make a list and space out the time spent with the ones that don’t fit the category. We can have a vast network of wonderful individuals, there is no need to be in touch with all of them all the time, especially those that demand more energy from us than we get in return.

 

I invite you to make a precise schedule and stick to it. At what time we show up, late or on time, is a make or break in relationships. When was the last time you heard someone compliment an individual for being late? My point exactly! We want to create connection not, the opposite. I passionately encourage you to be on time to everything. For that to happen, we need to give ourselves time to get ready, get there, communicate to all parties involved what our schedule is. I closed meetings on several occasions because they were going on longer than I had planned. It was communicated and I followed up later, which let me be on time to my next appointment. We are allowed to be unapologetic about our priorities as long as it is communicated in a kind and confident manner.

planner

I hope this helps. I have been able to be extremely productive with this system, getting the important things done and not letting the small stuff get in the way. What’s helpful to you in your productivity? I’d love to know! Comment below 🙂

 

Reach for the greatest version of yourself!

 

Paola

2016-03-07 09.55.27-1

Click Here to receive my free 21 day Acts of Kindness Challenge.

Create connections and change your life for the better!

Grow
— Leave a Comment

What’s your ROE?

One of the most useful practice I incorporated in my very productive lifestyle was to manage my ROE, aka Return On Energy.

We’re all different and some things can be a source of joy, others can be absolutely draining! That’s the journey of learning about who we are and what makes us tick, in a good way, or not. It’s also the process of being unapologetic about who we are, where we’re at, and what works for us.

I’m a recovering people pleaser so I can totally relate to the pressure of wanting to be perfect and liked for what we do, because we’re afraid of not being loved for who we are. I invite you to be strong and choose wisely, it’s totally worth it!

Two methods I use to honor the ultimate ROE is saying YES or saying No. It’s simple, again, it works best when we’re connected to our true self.

I love to say YES to opportunities and figure it out later. I especially say YES if it comes across as a little scary. There is nothing wrong about going back to previous commitments as long as it’s done in a way that is transparent and secure rather than volatile or self serving. We can also give a head’s up and communicate clearly where we’re at.

For example: ” that sounds like a great opportunity, I’m not sure that I can rise to the challenge fully but I’d like to give it a try, would that be alright?” That way we set the tone for the experience and the expectation.

I also love to say No, which happens more and more often lately. I say No to others and myself.

I say No to a lot of invitations, demands and expectations, social pressures and cultural framing. I was at a gathering last weekend and one of the guest completely put me down for not attending certain meetings, to which I never committed in the first place. She questioned me about my availability until I flat out responded: “it’s my self-care day” She didn’t get it, and that’s alright.

I say NO to myself if I crave junk food or if I want to keep working instead of focusing on self-care. I say No to myself about feeling responsible or guilty for others feelings and decisions. It’s their story to write, not mine. I say No to myself when i’m looking for the easy way out of my thought process instead of being vulnerable and owning it.

It’s a matter of focus and being clear on what we really want. Those decisions will define the emotional outcome. How much we can accomplish in one day will depend on how much we enjoy it. Let’s choose wisely 🙂

Portrait

 

           Reach for the greatest version of yourself!

Paola

 

Become happier in 21 days.

Click here to sign up for the Act of Kindness Challenge,

Grow
— Leave a Comment

Give what you want to get

One misconception is that we will give something after, and only after, someone gives it to us first. That could put us in some situations where we could wait for ever.

I believe in being the influence we want to experience, I believe in modeling the behavior we wish to witness in others. Which means, we must start, we must do it first, we must give to begin with.

What I’m referring to is especially in the everyday attitude and interactions. If we want appreciation from others, we have the choice to show appreciation first. If we want kindness, we can give kindness first, etc… We can create a safe space for others to find what everybody is looking for anyway: connection.

I’m not saying it’s easy. Some days will be harder than others. I do feel we have the responsibility to be the creators of what we want to see in the world. A bad day may require more energy on our part to accomplish what we want, those victorious days are what sets apart the individuals that get what they want, and the ones who don’t.

I invite you to be confident in your determination. Hold on firmly to your good mood and good intention. Stay away from negative individuals or give them compassion if you can. We all have bad days. Somebody’s bad day is not your fault, it’s their story, let them write it.

I invite you to set the intention and tone for your day and your interactions Take a deep breath and affirm your mood and goal. Be a giver, be attentionate, show up for others. There is a compound effect of kindness and generosity that always comes back 10 folds.

The more we practice, the easier it gets, until it becomes second nature.

Reach for the greatest version of yourself!

Paola

 

 

Grow
— Leave a Comment

How to start the day

Is it really that big of a deal to start the day a certain way? Yes, it is. That’s why so many coaches and gurus share their tips and routine, specifically about that part of the day. How you start will define the rest of the day and how we manage situations. It’s like being on a certain setting. Can we reset through the day? Sure! I’m going for the most productive option here. I prefer to shoot for excellence rather than mediocrity.

 

So what do I do in the morning?

Step 1

I only get out of bed once my intention for the day is set. I already reviewed my schedule the night before, I know what’s coming, so I want to have a firm positive intention for those items too. I want to start the day with love and motivation in my heart, not fear and frustration. It’s easier some mornings than other, I’m not going to lie. However, it’s a golden rule of mine. By the time my feet hit the floor, I’m in the best possible and ready to make the day as amazing as possible!

 

Step 2

I bathe. I like to wake my body up slowly. I also find that I think straighter and better when I feel clean. My bathing ritual also gives me time to firm up the derails about my day and to focus on self care. What does my body need today? How can I best take care of it? Where can I improve in my self care routines. Our bodies are our most precious commodity, not our houses or our cars. How we take care of our body is a factor in defining our success. How productive can you be if you’re body is aching and distracting you from your tasks? On the priority list, self care always comes first!

 

Step 3

I move my body. I’ve been asleep for over 7 hours and I feel it’s important to get back in the movement slowly but surely. Everybody has their preferences, for me it’s ballet. I love doing my ballet exercises that involve balance and light stretching. It’s nothing strenuous but just enough to awaken the awareness of the body. These exercises also support the muscles I need as a tango dancer so it’s a win-win.

 

Step 4

I have breakfast, sitting down and enjoying every minute of that moment. I’m a warm drink kind of girl in the morning. I may choose tea or coffee depending on my mood. If I wake up early, I stick to grains, nuts and fruits. If I wake up later in the morning after sleeping in, I may have some eggs. meat and veggies. I then go through my emails and social medias updates, read articles and add to my to do list if I’m inspired by something I want to try. I stay away from negativity and anything triggering. I think everyone is entitled to their opinion, I just don’t need all of them in my life, and surely not over breakfast. We get the space we create and I want mine to be inspiring and powerful, not negative and pessimistic. Our brain is already wired to detect the negative over the positive in life, let’s help out by being selective of what we feed and expose our brain to, shall we?

 

This is my personal routine and it has served me greatly! I attribute a lot of my personal happiness and success to my morning routine. The routine can vary from person to person of course, however, those 4 steps are a common to all the systems I’ve seen out there. I encourage you to make it your own, you only need 4 elements: intention, self care, feed the body, feed the mind. I invite to see what works for you, what’s joyful and natural to your body. How do you know if it’s working? Check in with yourself. The heart never lies. If you feel fear, shame, frustration after your morning routine, you may need to keep working on it. I know you can do it!

 

Reach for the greatest version of yourself!

 

Paola
2016-03-07 09.55.27-1

 

Grow
— Leave a Comment

How to be Joyfully Productive

It gets pointed out to be, by friends and strangers alike, how busy I look. I know it’s meant as a compliment. For me though, the word busy is a source of tension. Being busy doesn’t mean that one is successful or happy, they just look like they’re doing a lot of stuff. In our culture, doing a lot, to the point of exhaustion, has become socially valued. I rebel against that notion. Having been on both sides of that aisle, I can confidently say that being busy and doing a lot is not the way to happiness and a fulfilling life. In Chinese, the word “busy” translates as “kill the heart”. I’m not looking for that outcome, nor do I want that for my clients.
I’m more partial to doing things effectively and joyfully. A method that has worked really well for me is to find my peak time. The peak time is that period of the day that you’re more likely to do a certain activity when the process is easy and fluid and the result is superior.
For example, I can get a lot done virtually in the morning. I get up at 5:30am and after a light breakfast and some movement, I can get my most important work done before lunch. Doing that same kind of activity in the afternoon would be grueling for me! I have a friend that does his virtual work in the evening, that’s his peak time. It will be different for everybody. The trick is to explore and find what works for you.
Because the activity flows easily, we’ll get more joy out of it too! Your heart never lies! Check in with yourself in your discovery process to see what works and what doesn’t. It may happen on occasion that some activity need be scheduled at a less than ideal time. I find it productive to prepare for those assignment with self care. I seldom do virtual work or give consultations past 5pm. I’ll do it if it’s an emergency and I will reflect and center myself specifically for it as it is outside my peak time and natural flow. We still need to have some flexibility and get the work done, no need to brutalize ourselves in the process though. Self care always comes first.
I also like to look at the flow of activities and if I partner some activities together, how productive will that be. I can rehearse a speech and do the dishes at the same time, that works for me. I find myself less productive if I jump from returning emails and making phone calls. I prefer to do one, then the other. Again, everybody is different, discover what works best for you.
That system has allowed me to get a lot of stuff done in a short period of time, that’s great time management, and find joy in the process, that’s emotional productivity. I invite you to search for your ideal system. It may take some time and tweaking, however, it’s been a game changer for me. I hope it helps you too.
Reach for the greatest version of yourself!
Paola
Sign up HERE to receive free coaching tips directly in your mailbox
2016-03-07 09.55.27-1
Grow
— Leave a Comment

Goals versus Intentions

We hear a lot about goals: what are your goals in life? What’s your Big Hairy goal? What goal are you trying to reach?
These questions are valid as it’s productive to have a target to aim to and to keep us focused. How we get to that goal is just as relevant. Here’s comes intention. Intention is the energy, the reason for the goal.
For example, I went to a delightful party last Saturday night. My goal was to have fun, my intent was to connect. Connection is fun for me!
Intentions, just as goals, vary from one person to the next. Two individuals can have the same goal in life, for example building a successful business, and have different intentions for it. One person wants a successful business to be financially free, another may want a successful business to have a positive impact on the world. There is no right or wrong intention as long as it’s in alignment with the final goal.
If I say that I want to build a successful business to have a positive impact in the world but my intention is to pay myself as much as possible, and pay everybody else as little as possible, the intent is not in alignment with the goal. People may not take it seriously and it may hurt the business.
Intentions can be applied to everything, from doing the laundry to going to the grocery store. By checking in regularly with yourself and asking “What’s my intention? Does it serve the goal?” you’ll get in the habit of self evaluating if you’re still on track. This has been one of the most important tool I introduced to my lifestyle and has helped tremendously with my productivity, my decision making process and overall happiness.
What’s your goal today? And what’s your intention? Share it with me, I’d love to know!
Reach for the greatest version of yourself!
Paola
2016-03-07 09.55.27-1
Grow